I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
