It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
