she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
