Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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