Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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