did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
