she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
