Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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