i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
where are you?
Hypothermia
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
