he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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