btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Walk of Shame today included voting.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
