i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
