Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
