are you still at the devil's house?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
