It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize