could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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