oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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