you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
