I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
