can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize