You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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