totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
