Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
