those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Boobs speak an international language.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
