I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
