i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it was like eating out sand paper
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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