Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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