They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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