she woke up with a sticky ear
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize