found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
