I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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