I accidentally had phone sex last night
Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
