i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
