it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
