I will die if light touches me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
