you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
