dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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