well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
