Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Alive.
So much puke
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
