so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
