He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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