her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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