I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
