Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
