I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
