Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You pole danced in your parka.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
