u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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