They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
