cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
