you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
