remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
