think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
