Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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