you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
