Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
