I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
