i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize