I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
