it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
