he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
