How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize