is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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