I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
