I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
