I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
