You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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