He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
