Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
