goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
