booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
