I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
