just come out here and I will go home with you...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
