guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sober January is a disaster.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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