dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
