I am full of burrito and curiosity
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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