Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
