guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
