I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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