The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
its liver damage thursday
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
