just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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