oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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