Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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