I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
