if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
