First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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