My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
